i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
