i may or may not be watching the land before time
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
