He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
