I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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