super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
