It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize