Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
