i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
