Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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