5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
