Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
