I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
