Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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