It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
