just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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