I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
