She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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