Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
