so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize