A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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