I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's blow job season.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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