My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
