he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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