there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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