Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
