one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
