I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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