Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
