The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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