i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
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You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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