Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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