Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm passing your future prison.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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