i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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