Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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