I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
