I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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