Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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