I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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