You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
