I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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