Already got asked if we're dating
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
