On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
