He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
