Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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