Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
