no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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