u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
