I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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