that's an acceptable place to lick
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
