best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
