Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
