the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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