The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize