so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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