I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
