Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
