I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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