If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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