Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
