so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
