Someone shit on the floor
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
