I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I need water and some morals
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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