I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
