I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
