She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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