The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
