went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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