So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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