I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
