I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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