So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
