every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
