and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
