please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
